Silly Stupid

finding what we want, what we don’t want
in front of our face not ready to see
to love, to want
we don’t see what we won’t see and that’s all we see
we have what we don’t want and that’s all we have
until we can see
see more, see less, it can make one depressed
fucking figure it out
it’s what you want

Pay Attention

You’ll notice things
It’s amazing how we miss so much of the world
There is a beauty in the details
You just need to pay attention

Some say it’s the little things
But these things aren’t little

When we remove all the bullshit
Remove the filters and the fear
Remove the positive
Remove the negative

Look at the world
As it really is
Pay attention

My Poor Plant

I’ve had this Aloe vera plant most of my adult life. Whenever it grew too large I would plant the healthier stems and take the small ones with me in this simple ceramic pot. It seemed every year I was going through this ritual. Then a few years ago, it stopped growing. It just… stopped.

There’s only a few stems and they’ve stagnated. And on occasion they’ve about died. More water? Less water? I don’t know.

Without really thinking about it I started doing things like change the soil, moving it to different light. Nothing really seems to work. I realize I can’t force it to grow. So I give it everything it needs, make sure it’s safe, hoping one day it will grow and break out of its little ceramic pot.

Incomplete Idea

Gathering the total of yourself
Everything
The ugly bits and the beautiful

Pieces and shards of yourself
They fit together nicely
Often leaving small and barely perceptible holes

Missing pieces to an incomplete self
In order to answer that basic question
‘What do I want?’
You need only to look at
What is missing

My Christ Year?

I was told that 2009 is my Christ year.

I’m not totally clear as to whether a "Christ Year" is the year of your 33rd birthday or the 33rd year of your life (or the year you label yourself as being 33). It doesn’t really matter; I’m an atheist; don’t tell Jesus.

Whatever you call it, it is for me a significant point of change.

Change is never pretty. It can be disjointed; erratic. We either regress to where we started, or take hard earned control of our social mores and personal ideals, shaping and defining what we ought to be doing.

Many people I meet tend to regress, never questioning the basic social ontology they find themselves trapped within. They avert the crises by buying new cars, complaining about useless things, or otherwise distract themselves from the clear question of what they ought to be doing with their life.

I’m certainly not perfect in this regard. I’ve just spent the last year distracting myself with random girls, travel to exotic places, photography, and living the douche-bag life in La Jolla. It all seemed to work fine up until life’s little crises culminated into an emotional breakdown, as if life is reminding me to pay attention and answer the fucking question we’re all too scared to even ask. Strange way to end the year.

I don’t know what this year is going to be like. Change is funny that way– we’re never really sure what it’s going to be like, and even though things typically turn out for the best, we’re scared shitless until we figure that out.

The best advice I’ve gotten: go for a run, listen to music. I have to say, that totally helped. And it subsequently reminded me that I’m ridiculously out of shape. I ran along the coast, I was wheezing, desperately trying to catch my breath. It could have been the lack of oxygen to my brain, but I momentarily forgot about everything. A moment of clarity, an epiphany.

This my Christ year.

And I honestly don’t know what that means yet. I recognize that I need to replace those bad habits of mine with some good habits. I’ll need to clear my head, this means a break from the distractions. All of them. Or do I regress?

Simple, Color


Dreary doldrums of gray
Drift through cold emptiness
Unaware and uncaring

Society scorns the dreamer
A lustful beauty adorns her walls
And always, light emerges

Frantic excitement
More and more
You are not supposed to

Unbridled pleasure
Vibrant and erotic
You are not supposed to

Searing, tearing pain
The dark to the light
I told you so

What a vivid contrast
To the lifeless gray

* photo by Lotus and Tim at the Gebert Gallery in Venice
** Dave, you Rock!

on the Odyssey

Look deeper Odysseus
You have seen every move
And all end in tragedy

Go back
Undo your meticulous planning
And see the inverted path

There, you see now
Standing on the precipice
As she flies from your open arms

You, Odysseus, cannot fly
And cannot heal her

Others have caged her
And nearly killed her
You must shape the world
So that she may fly

Hold her with open palms
And let her mend her wings

Strong Odysseus, Shaper of worlds
Shape the world Odysseus
That she may fly

Give her a world to fly in
So that she may fly away

infinite potential

breaking down the doors of perception
the dizzying distractions and running thoughts
all melt effortlessly away

without the doubts and fears
you look out and see nothing the same

you see only the world as it is
simple awareness with no filters
endless appreciation for the
vast beauty in all things

it is calm, serene
with infinite potential