There is always someone
Hold open the doors of perception
One side positive, the other negative
Others cross through
Never to come back
Allow the other to be
Allow to love, allow to please
And eternity opens and folds
finding what we want, what we don’t want
in front of our face not ready to see
to love, to want
we don’t see what we won’t see and that’s all we see
we have what we don’t want and that’s all we have
until we can see
see more, see less, it can make one depressed
fucking figure it out
it’s what you want
You’ll notice things
It’s amazing how we miss so much of the world
There is a beauty in the details
You just need to pay attention
Some say it’s the little things
But these things aren’t little
When we remove all the bullshit
Remove the filters and the fear
Remove the positive
Remove the negative
Look at the world
As it really is
I’ve had this Aloe vera plant most of my adult life. Whenever it grew too large I would plant the healthier stems and take the small ones with me in this simple ceramic pot. It seemed every year I was going through this ritual. Then a few years ago, it stopped growing. It just… stopped.
There’s only a few stems and they’ve stagnated. And on occasion they’ve about died. More water? Less water? I don’t know.
Without really thinking about it I started doing things like change the soil, moving it to different light. Nothing really seems to work. I realize I can’t force it to grow. So I give it everything it needs, make sure it’s safe, hoping one day it will grow and break out of its little ceramic pot.
Gathering the total of yourself
The ugly bits and the beautiful
Pieces and shards of yourself
They fit together nicely
Often leaving small and barely perceptible holes
Missing pieces to an incomplete self
In order to answer that basic question
‘What do I want?’
You need only to look at
What is missing
I was told that 2009 is my Christ year.
I’m not totally clear as to whether a "Christ Year" is the year of your 33rd birthday or the 33rd year of your life (or the year you label yourself as being 33). It doesn’t really matter; I’m an atheist; don’t tell Jesus.
Whatever you call it, it is for me a significant point of change.
Change is never pretty. It can be disjointed; erratic. We either regress to where we started, or take hard earned control of our social mores and personal ideals, shaping and defining what we ought to be doing.
Many people I meet tend to regress, never questioning the basic social ontology they find themselves trapped within. They avert the crises by buying new cars, complaining about useless things, or otherwise distract themselves from the clear question of what they ought to be doing with their life.
I’m certainly not perfect in this regard. I’ve just spent the last year distracting myself with random girls, travel to exotic places, photography, and living the douche-bag life in La Jolla. It all seemed to work fine up until life’s little crises culminated into an emotional breakdown, as if life is reminding me to pay attention and answer the fucking question we’re all too scared to even ask. Strange way to end the year.
I don’t know what this year is going to be like. Change is funny that way– we’re never really sure what it’s going to be like, and even though things typically turn out for the best, we’re scared shitless until we figure that out.
The best advice I’ve gotten: go for a run, listen to music. I have to say, that totally helped. And it subsequently reminded me that I’m ridiculously out of shape. I ran along the coast, I was wheezing, desperately trying to catch my breath. It could have been the lack of oxygen to my brain, but I momentarily forgot about everything. A moment of clarity, an epiphany.
This my Christ year.
And I honestly don’t know what that means yet. I recognize that I need to replace those bad habits of mine with some good habits. I’ll need to clear my head, this means a break from the distractions. All of them. Or do I regress?
Society scorns the dreamer
A lustful beauty adorns her walls
And always, light emerges
More and more
You are not supposed to
Vibrant and erotic
You are not supposed to
Searing, tearing pain
The dark to the light
I told you so
What a vivid contrast
To the lifeless gray
* photo by Lotus and Tim at the Gebert Gallery in Venice
** Dave, you Rock!
Look deeper Odysseus
You have seen every move
And all end in tragedy
Undo your meticulous planning
And see the inverted path
There, you see now
Standing on the precipice
As she flies from your open arms
You, Odysseus, cannot fly
And cannot heal her
Others have caged her
And nearly killed her
You must shape the world
So that she may fly
Hold her with open palms
And let her mend her wings
Strong Odysseus, Shaper of worlds
Shape the world Odysseus
That she may fly
Give her a world to fly in
So that she may fly away